The nights tend to be the hardest. But tonight has been one of the worst for a while. That is in terms of my mental health symptoms. Suicidal thoughts are back again, and I'm scared. Scared for my own life and scared for my family as they are already suffering enough with my dads death.
I don't want to bring anyone down any further, but it just feels like everything I do or try and make good turns to shit for some reason and I end up unintentionally bringing everyone down anyway. I try so hard yet my best is never, and will never be good enough.
I was stupid to think that I could survive another tragic death. Realistically I don't think I can. I'm pushing everyone away, isolating myself, and just pretending I'm coping. When in fact I'm not. I don't want to live without dad. I can't keep losing the people I love. I bring nothing to this world.
No comments:
Post a Comment